i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
