She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
