obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Alive.
So much puke
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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