my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize