i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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