can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
