Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
