someone get that fucking seahorse.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
