So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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