The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
