i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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