actually, I'm a sock model
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
