Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
