Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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