you would pick up someone in the library
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
