so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
