ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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