david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
