I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we're so committed to being not committed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
