Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
