Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
