I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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