There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
