Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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