Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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