you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
