my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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