Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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