You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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