He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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