i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
