my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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