my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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