We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
