Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
