My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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