There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.