Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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