I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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