My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
