Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
