summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
