is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
