sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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