Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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