She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You are the jesus of drinking
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
