My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
