i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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