Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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