I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
