You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
