Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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