My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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