I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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