i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The struggles of a small town man whore
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
