Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
