ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
