I'm really into asian looking animals
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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