He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
