I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
