I hate all girls vehemently.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
