I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
